City Wide Announcements
by The Phrenologikal Cat
Summary: When Elizabeth makes her inspiring city-wide speeches, what stops the guy who's muttering in the back from being heard?


On Monday there was an attack from a squadron of Wraith darts. By complete luck they found the city, because everyone in the control room was on their coffee break. That's right, _everyone_. Elizabeth requested a citywide announcement over the P.A. system, bolstering morale and informing the self-proclaimed Atlantis citizens of McKay's current genius plan to save everyone.

One Tuesday there was some sort of bizarre ancient leviathan creature that had been lying dormant on the ocean floor for hundreds of thousands of years, and had been awoken when McKay and Zalenka's new shield system for the jumpers was being tested. To put it shortly, the test pilot poked a sleeping dragon in the eye, quite literally. Elizabeth requested a citywide announcement over the P.A. system, bolstering morale and informing the Atlantians of McKay's current genius plan, and then again when the first plan failed and the second one was assured to be a from-the-behind homerun.

Wednesday? Wednesday was quiet except for the plague. Nothing serious.

Thursday, however, was a terrible day. Two off-world teams were taken hostage by the Genii and the weird leviathan had turned out to be a baby. The mother wasn't very happy, considering they had tricked it into swallowing a score of tactical warheads and… well, in any case, she was pissed. Elizabeth attempted a citywide announcement, but most people were running around screaming and weren't paying much attention.

Friday was a rest day. Except the Wraiths from Monday had been hiding out in the city over the past few days. You'd think they'd learn, those Atlantians, but oh no. Punk'd, every time. Elizabeth gave a citywide announcement at the end of the day to assure everyone the Wraiths were dead and there was no harm done. It was, quite possibly, the worst rest day ever.

Saturday, when the Replicators decided to take their shiny new warship for a spin, Elizabeth yelled at McKay, who was yelling at Zalenka, who was yelling at a computer in angry Czech, and then she made a citywide announcement. In a whole lot of fancy, diplomatic words, she informed everyone that they were completely screwed but, as the Aussies might have said (if they had any sort of representation on the show), no worries. And then, because there had to be _some one_ looking out for the Atlantians if they managed to survive so long in such a hostile galaxy, the ship blew up. A malfunction that had been overlooked in its construction. McKay had said wow, and then had been very smug and called all Replicators idiots, and they had dinner.

On Sunday Sheppard played golf and hit a whale by accident with a golf ball. The other whales didn't take too kindly to this, and so the rest of the day was spent figuring out how not to die. Ritual sacrifice crossed a few minds on multiple occasions, but in the end the whales just got bored. On the whole, their last-minute save-the-days were getting less and less dramatic.

When Monday rolled around again and there was no immediate threat to their lives, they were all feeling rather bored.

"Do you wanna watch a movie?" Sheppard asked McKay, poking at his… what was that, pork? Some sort of meat sludge, with a side of potato sludge and a helping of vegetable sludge. Mm-mm, quality.

"What, one of your so-called _inspirational_ sports movies again? Sorry, but there's only so many times I can watch football and feign interest." McKay sneered, look at some proof sheets for something that was supposed to be ground-breaking.

"Well then, what?" Sheppard was going out of his mind. Not _one_ interplanetary death threat. All day. It was already coming on noon.

"Well, I was just thinking." McKay put aside the proofs, a clearly thoughtful expression on his face. He wasn't kidding about that 'just thinking' statement of his. "You know how every time the city and all our lives are threatened, Elizabeth uses the P.A. system to make a citywide announcement…"

"What, some out-of-April Fool's Day fun? As if they'd let us, McKay." Sheppard snorted. "Still, it would be funny."

"Oh, but you're forgetting." McKay raised his eyebrows. "It's Monday."

"So?"

"Remember last Monday?"

"Wraith, wasn't it? Good times." Sheppard nodded approvingly.

"No, you idiot. I meant the idiots in the control room. Around this time, every Monday, they go on their coffee break. _All_ of them."

They looked at each other for a long time, got up slowly, and ran to the control room.

Elizabeth Weir was in her office when she heard, "–ow it's working? Isn't there some sort of _on air_ light or something?"

"How should I know? I'm pretty sure it's working."

"Well let's say it _is_ working, what then? You know, we didn't really think too far ahead on this subject."

"I don't know, sing about your lovely bunch of coconuts for all I care."

"This was your idea!"

"You're the one who always seemed so capable of thinking on his feet. What, now you can't even think of something to say for a radio prank?"

"Shut up McKay! I don't hear you saying anything truly witty!"

Elizabeth stood up slowly and looked out to the control room. Yes, there was Sheppard and McKay, standing in the control room shoving each other and arguing. Oh look, and there was the people who were _supposed_ to be in the control room, swearing and running towards them. Then there was some sort of beeping, and–

"Oh crap. Sensors are picking up a Wraith hive ship."

"See, now _that's_ a good prank announcement."

"No, I mean _sensors are picking up a Wraith hive ship._"

"Wait, how about twelve?"

"I'm being serious, colonel! This isn't a– oh look, finally, you're back. It's your own fault for going on coffee breaks together. Now, will you tell this idiot there's an actual hive ship heading towards Atlantis!"

"Crap. There _is_ a hive ship."

"Some one get Elizabeth!"

On Monday there was a Wraith hive ship heading towards Atlantis. Elizabeth (and half the control room, still bickering) spoke over the P.A. system, a citywide announcement, to assure everyone that… well, you know the end of that sentence.


End file.
